


If I Could Tell Her

by Arynphallia



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Rose Tyler, Bittersweet Ending, Canon Compliant, Chips - Freeform, Could Be Canon, Thirteenth Doctor Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-02
Updated: 2019-02-02
Packaged: 2019-10-20 22:19:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17630747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arynphallia/pseuds/Arynphallia
Summary: The TARDIS always take the Doctor to where she needs to be. Even if it is a few years off course. And puts her in the path of Rose Tyler





	If I Could Tell Her

The Doctor stepped out of the TARDIS, breathing in the London air. "I may have been a bit off with the year. It's 2008." She called back into the console room.  
"Ten years off?" Ryan said, joining her outside. He looked at the pedestrians, and drowned, Yaz joined them and gasped out, "Look at the tech! This is proper 2008." Graham was the last to exit the box and he echoed Yaz. All eyes shifted to the Doctor as she stiffened. Her eyes were trained on the crowd, intent on whatever she saw.  
The Doctor spun around quickly and said, "Right so I know why we're here. TARDIS wants us to take a bit of shore leave. So, you lot can go off and have some fun. I've got someone I need to go visit."  
"Doc-" Graham started to object but the Doctor was already gone, running down the street like hell was chasing her. The three companions shrugged, used to the Doctor's oddities, and went off to get lunch.  
Meanwhile, the Doctor stalked after another blonde, weaving her way through the crowd, slinking along with more stealth than she had had in any other body, desperate to reach her. She had to stop herself from calling out. It was impossible for Rose to be here, the battle of Canary Wharf had been two years ago. Her Rose was trapped in another dimension which meant that this was an imposter. She had to come to a sudden stop when she watched Rose Tyler disappear into a TARDIS. Her TARDIS. She circled it slowly, gingerly stepping in a spiral that ended with her hand on the front door. She felt the TARDIS caress her mind, gently slipping the proper date in. June 24th, 2005. She swallowed, throat tight and tears building in her eyes. She pushed them down when the TARDIS sent a brisk warning her way. Rose was coming back out.  
She took a shaky step back and was about to step around the TARDIS when she heard Rose speak. "Excuse me but who are you?"   
The Doctor stiffened, took a deep breath, and slowly turned to face the girl that had haunted her last four regenerations. "Me? Oh I'm no one. Just a bit of a history buff admiring this box here. Thought they went out of fashion in the 60's. It was neat to see one on the street. Do you know why it's here?" She was rambling. She needed to stop, she needed to get her companions, go back to her TARDIS and leave before she messed up her own timelines and created a paradox.   
Rose looked up at the TARDIS, frustration all over her face. "This bloke I know, he just left it here. I've been trying to... maintain it for him."   
"Oh I know all about that. There’s like four different opinions about how to treat the wood, but i think three of them are rubbish to be honest.” She tugged at her ear and dropped it again when she realized what she had done. It would happen sometimes. She would see and old companion and old mannerisms would slip in. Like she was trying to be their Doctor again. She would give anything to be Rose’s Doctor again. But, in a way, had she ever really stopped? “Do you want some tips?" She cursed herself, no self control this face. Twelve would be rolling in his grave, if he had one. Slowly, she offered her hand, "C'mon, we'll go get some chips and I'll tell you all about maintaining the interior."  
The thrill she got when Rose placed her palm against the Doctor's was masochistic. Her hearts started beating to a long forgotten rhythm that was purely Rose. Rose's hand was a similar size to her own. They were similar heights, even their hair colors were similar. But it was the eyes she realized. This bodies eyes were the exact same color as Rose’s. Of course. Rose had always meant hope and courage and that's what she had needed when she regenerated.  

Her feet followed paths she hadn't tread in centuries to Rose's favorite chip place, hands still clasped, the Doctor ready to take on the world. This was her Rose, after all, together they were unstoppable. Until they were. "How did you know?" Rose asked, startling her out of her thoughts.  
"Know what?" The Doctor asked, throwing a cheerful smile her way.   
"This is my favorite chip place." Rose half whispered.   
The Doctor gave her hand a squeeze, "Mine too, best chips I've ever had. And I, have eaten a lot of chips."   
Rose let out a surprised laugh a small smile slowly pulling up the corners of her mouth, the first one the Doctor had seen on her face since-, no that was too painful and she wasn't going to think of that now. “I think I could beat you, I've eaten chips just about everywhere and these are definitely the best.”   
They ordered and Rose giggled when the Doctor confessed that she didn't have any money on her, but Rose bought her chips and kept smiling that smile at her, the one with the bit of tongue poking out that did funny things to her hearts.   
"You remind me of the bloke who left me the box." Rose said as the Doctor was going off about how to properly paint and seal wooden boxes around a mouth full of chips.   
The Doctor swallowed but the chips tasted like ash. "What was he like," She asked scared of the reply, "This bloke of yours who left you a box?"  
Rose sighed and leaned back against the table, "In a word? Fantastic. He's like this broody force of nature, if you try to stand in his way, he'll take you out, but there's something to impossible and wonderful about him that you could never look away."  
Rose didn't seem to notice the way the Doctor was staring at her, the love and despair just barely concealed in the brown depths of her eyes. "We used to travel together." Rose continued without prompting, "then he just... dumped me here with that stupid box. I've spent the last three days trying to get back to him."   
"I'm sure you'll figure it out." The Doctor said, just barely hiding the quavering in her voice. "You're very clever, Rose Tyler, that bloke doesn't know what he was missing out on when he ditched you."  
The Doctor hadn't realized her error until Rose's eyes snapped to hers. She swallowed again. This time there was nothing to swallow because her mouth was so dry.  
"How do you know my name?" Rose demanded.  
_Spoilers_ was the first thing that came to mind, but the Doctor couldn’t do that to Rose. but she also couldn’t tell Rose the truth. So she took the cowards way out and did the one thing she had promised to never do: she ran away from Rose Tyler. "Oi!" Rose yelled, "get back here." And then Rose was after her. The Doctor cussed, she could feel how wrong this was. She had messed up. She shouldn't have chased after Rose the way she did, shouldn’t have talked to her, shouldn’t have relished the way Rose’s name felt in this mouth. Shouldn’t have let herself fall all over again.

A TARDIS came into view and she barreled inside before she realized her mistake. This was not her TARDIS, is was the one that belonged to Mr. Leather and big ears. She slammed the doors behind her, sonicing the projection of her old face that popped up. It disappeared with a buzz and she sagged against the console. The recording enraged her. She had been such a daft fool. A fool who didn't know that nothing short of being a universe away would keep Rose Tyler from getting to her. All of her companions had a thing. Clara was the Impossible Girl, River: the woman who loved the Doctor.  The Doctor Donna. And Rose Tyler, the Bad Wolf who would cross all of time and space just to save her. She had been a fool then and her tenth self hadn't been any better. Thinking that he could live with loving Rose from afar, that it would make losing her any easier. He hadn’t realized until it was too late just how short _forever_  would be. She kicked the console, cursing every stupid mistake she had ever made with Rose.  
The TARDIS hummed gently. She above all others understood. Knew how much the loss of companions changed her. And how Rose had been one of the worse. The Doctor collapsed into the jump seat, the fight bleeding out of her. As much as she wanted to pretend, she could never have Rose Tyler. And that fact would haunt her for the rest of her lives.  
It was hard though. To not be reminded of Rose every time she smelt strawberries. Her eleventh face had snapped at Rory when he had tried to bring a bouquet of roses onto the TARDIS. River had gotten cold silence when she had asked why he never bought her roses and it had taken him hours to finally grit out ‘Roses are sad’. She suspected River had looked up a rose in connection with him because she never mentioned it again.

The sealed off bed room that the TARDIS would never destroy. It moved around and was always on hand when the Doctor felt like suffering. Her last self had laid on the floor inside and played guitar when everything became too much. It somehow always smelled like Rose and he would lay there until it was burned in his mind. It made life more bearable.  
And so when Rose Tyler came barreling into the TARDIS less than 30 seconds after she had, she found herself back at square one, but she didn't think she had really ever gotten past square one.  
"Who are you?" Rose bellowed, "How in the hell did you get in here?"  
The Doctor hid her face in her hands, elbows resting on her thighs. She needed an excuse, something to maintain the timeline but make sure Rose would forget.  
_Bad Wolf_ the TARDIS supplied.   
The Doctor grimaced. It would work. She looked up at Rose, "I'm Bad Wolf."  
Rose paled, then flushed. "I don't get what that means! Those words have followed me across time and space but they're obviously not working well are they? I'm still not any closer to getting this stupid ship to run so I can go save him. And then you come swanning in, offering to tech me about police boxes." Rose kicked the console and a panel on the floor popped open.   
The Doctor felt fear twist in her gut. It was time to leave. "I think you'll find, Rose Tyler, that your answers are right under your feet."  
Rose looked down almost frantically as her eyes found the loose panel. It was shifted aside and the Doctor turned to leave. Unwilling to watch the pain that she had caused. But that voice. The voice she had only heard once in her life called out to her.  
"Doctor." And the Doctor knew, Bad Wolf was here.  
She squeezed her eyes shut, forcing the tears back before she turned to face Bad Wolf.   
"Tell her Doctor.” The Wolf called, “She will not remember but she will know."  
The Doctor ran her hands through her hair, "I suppose I should." She looked up at Bad Wolf, "This is probably my last chance to say it. So I will." She took a deep breath, "Rose Tyler, I love you. And I have for every single regeneration since I met you and I will for the rest of my life. And I was a coward for ever pretending otherwise."   
She jumped when Bad Wolf appeared right in front of her. "My Doctor," she whispered in Rose's voice, and then the Doctor was being kissed for the first time in this body, and what would probably be the last time ever. She could feel the vortex under Rose's skin, burning, but it was still her. Her Rose, soft and wonderful and human and perfect. She pulled back slightly. "Go. He needs you. Right idiot that one. Let your mum smack some sense into him."  
The Doctor slowly backed out of the TARDIS, her eyes never leaving the girl she loved. Then the TARDIS de-materialized and she was alone.  
The walk back to her TARDIS was a slow one and if she went out of her way to peak in on Jackie Tyler, no one could blame her. She knew the TARDIS was empty when she got to the doors, so she was the first one back.  
And as she stepped through the doors, sitting there on the console was a single, red rose. She smiled and held the rose, cradling the fragile stem in between her fingers until the others returned. When they asked she just chuckled and said it was from an old friend. And for the first time since she had had to watch Rose fall towards the Void portal, she felt calm.   
She danced around the console, hitting the random button for the first time in nearly a century. "Up for a bit of an adventure?" Her companions agreed and she felt it, bubbling up inside her from a long repressed past and slipping out of her mouth, " _Allons-y_."  



End file.
